I have demons in me.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
