well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
