I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
