My first STD was from a foam party
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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