hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
