It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
