I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my poor anus
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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