She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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