Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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