he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
