I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
