so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
