I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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