I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
