I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
