Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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