Small penises have feelings too.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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