Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you would pick up someone in the library
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
