I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
