i jhust puked up my retainher.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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