i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
