I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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