awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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