nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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