She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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