she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
