How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
