this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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