Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
