So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
