Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
