I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
