I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
