She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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