I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
