i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
If its not for food we ain't going out.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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