I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
