Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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