pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Two words: nipple clamps
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