M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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