a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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