you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
They are going to name an STD after you.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
