Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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Sorry Mr_Chuck_Norris hasn't picked any favorites yet.

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(708): View more from Illinois

the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.

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(434): View more from Virginia

I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator

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(208): View more from Idaho

Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.

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(301): View more from Maryland

Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass

(240): View more from Maryland

He should have died. Natural selection.

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(706): View more from Georgia

I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF

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