don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
