I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
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Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
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GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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