Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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