i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
soo... how was my night?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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