i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Best friends brother. Beat that.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
