Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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