We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
