it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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