Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
