Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
