i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
