They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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