you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
