walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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