There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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