He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
