so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
