you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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