All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
did you just send me my own nude
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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