Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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