Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
