just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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