i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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