Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
