At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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