Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
