People in love make me want to vomit
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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