I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
