omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
