Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
