Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
