$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
